When you don’t want to STAY HOME

Staying at home is hard. 

Especially when you don't want to. 

2017

I became a stay at home mom when I was 18 years old.

Sure, it was because of a choice that I made, but it wasn’t necessarily “by choice.” It was an "unplanned" pregnancy. A crisis baby. I didn’t want to stay home and raise babies when I was 18. I wanted to go to college and see the world and be out with my friends way past our curfew and make irresponsible decisions like most other 18 years olds were making. But, motherhood happened and responsibility came hard and fast.
And I mean really fast.

The “elevator version” of our story goes something like this…

We were 18 and I was 3 months pregnant when we got married. In the first FOUR years of our marriage we moved SEVEN times and had FOUR babies in those FOUR+ years. Our marriage was dysfunctional – At BEST. I nursed babies for a solid EIGHT YEARS STRAIGHT. And then we made the difficult decision to HOMESCHOOL our kids. Believe me when I tell you that we GREW UP FAST and I was HOME.

The night Mark asked me to marry him. Aug. 16, 2006. I was 8 weeks pregnant. 

We were married 1 month later on Sept. 16th. 

At a parade, Dec. 2008. Mark and I - 20 years old. Jacob and Lizzie about 1 1/2 and 6 months.

Currently, our oldest is just 17 days away from turning 13. The kids are in 7^th grade, 6^th grade, 4^th grade, and 2^nd grade. Homeschool has been so good for them, and for me, although the 2 oldest take a class at a school in town in the afternoons. That has also been good for them, and for me. My husband and I have found a healthy rhythm for our life and we are fast approaching our 14^th anniversary. It’s still not easy, but things are settled and good for us now.

As I’ve watched society enter the uncharted waters of COVID-19 quarantine/”stay at home” orders, I’ve had a good chance to reflect on those seasons of my own life when my home truly felt like a prison to me. I look back and wonder how in the world I made it through those YEARS of crisis and isolation and loneliness. It’s true that I was still able to have play dates and outings, church and get togethers with friends. It wasn’t like THIS kind of isolation. But isolation and loneliness nonetheless. (Any mother knows what I’m talking about.) I did not want to be HOME.

I wondered to myself what kind of insight and encouragement I might have to offer right now, given the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to practice my “survival skills” in this “stay at home” environment for more than a decade now. Here's the things I have had to tell myself over and over the last 13 years to help get me through difficult seasons of STAYING AT HOME…

1.  TRUST.

Trust God with your life right now. I’m not trying to be cliché. I’m serious. He can see your life from beginning to end in one snapshot. He’s knows where you came from, what you were doing before all this blew up, He knows where you’re going after all this settles, and for goodness sake, HE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE. You are not going to miss the thing God has for your life because the thing He has for you is exactly what’s in front of you. YOU WILL NOT MISS IT. This season cannot stop it. It can only prepare you for the next season. Where you are is where you are supposed to be. You can take a deep breath in and exhale because God KNOWS what’s up. SO….

2. SHOW UP.

Show up for your life. Even if your life is at home all day.

 Early on in my “stay at home” years, I made a rule for myself. Well, more of a guideline really. And that is this: GET DRESSED. EVERY DAY. Don’t get mad at me yet! Of course there are exceptions, like sick days. But for the majority of my days at home, I get up, get dressed, brush my teeth and fix my hair. (And just a pet peeve of mine… I have to put my shoes on. If I don’t have my shoes on, I don’t feel like I’m dressed. I put them on in the morning and take them off when I get ready for bed.) I have always had my kids do the same. (Not the shoe thing. Just the getting ready thing.) This puts us in a position to SHOW UP for our life that day. Even if all we do is stay home. It doesn’t mean we have to accomplish ALL the things EVERY DAY at home. It just means that we’re ready to show up for whatever that day has for us. Whether it’s a laundry list of things to do, or just one or two things, we want to be HERE FOR IT.  

3. DON’T CHECK OUT.

Going along with "showing up" is the idea of “checking out.”

Checking out, vegging, binge watching or binge eating, not “showing up”… It all leads to laziness, and laziness leads straight to apathy. I know it’s tempting. Who doesn’t want to stay on the couch in their sweats watching movies and eating junk food all day?!  (Actually, that sounds like hell to my husband. He would do ANYTHING other than sit and watch a movie! Maybe you know someone like that too?) Anyway, here’s one thing I’ve learned in my years of staying home: LAZINESS BREADS LAZINESS, and APATHY BREADS APATHY.



“Apathy” is defined as: the lack of interest, feeling, emotion, or concern.



When you start to “check out” of your life, you open the door wide to apathy. Once apathy is in, it only breads apathy. And trust me, apathy is hard to exterminate. I mean, why would you exterminate it when you DON’T CARE about it, or anything else for that matter?

 I have had seasons in my “stay at home” life where I simply DIDN’T CARE about the things I should’ve cared about. I ‘checked out’ and it did nothing but hurt the people closest to me. Not to mention the dark hole of depression and despair it led me to. IT IS NOT GOOD. Not a safe route. And this is certainly not the time to give into apathy. If the world needs anything right now, it needs people that CARE. People that care about the elderly; people that care about kids; people that care about the health of families and our society. WE NEED YOU TO CARE.

 (Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying you shouldn’t sit and enjoy a movie, or indulge in a delicious treat. I’m not saying you shouldn’t rest. Rest is an absolute necessity in this season! Please intentionally rest. I think we all know the difference in ourselves.)


 And lastly,

4.  PRAY.
Again, I am not trying to be cliché. This is actually one of the most practical things I can offer you. Really… because every single one of us is carrying an incredible load inside of our heads. Maybe you worry about someone you love getting the virus. Maybe you’re a mother and your workload didn’t go down during quarantine, it tripled! Maybe you’re the leader in a church or the owner of a business and you don’t know how you’re going to get through this season. Maybe you've lost your job and have NO income right now. It could be a million different things that are weighing down your head and your heart. I AM NOT EXEMPT. The lists of things I keep in my head is so long it’s absolutely ridiculous! My list of things I had to grieve early on seemed never ending. So, for all practical purposes, the best tip I have, PRAY.

I highly suggest praying out loud or writing your prayer down. This gives you an outlet to OFFLOAD the worry, fear, or anger you feel. Get it out! Say your lists out loud to the Lord.
Your “to-do list,” your “worry list,” your “needs list,” and by all means, your “thankful list.”
Say them to him and get them out of your head. Or, better yet, if you're a writer like me, write them down. I don’t always write them in letter form, like, “Dear God…” although sometimes I do that. Most of the time it’s just bullet points of the things that are on my heart and mind throughout the day. A lot of times it’s people. I just write down their name, not an entire page of prayer for them. It doesn’t have to be complicated. I’m telling you; this has helped me get through some really tough seasons. It literally gets the worry, fear, or anger out of my head and into the Lord’s hands. It doesn’t always change things in my life, but it unloads my weight and allows me to have the bandwidth I need to function properly in my real life. Plus, we have no idea the impact our prayers make in the spirit world. I’ve heard Bible teachers say that IF we knew, we would do nothing BUT pray!


To close, I want to offer you a gift: GRACE.

Grace upon Grace upon Grace.

NO ONE is doing this perfectly. Not even close to. Not even this seasoned “stay at home-er."
We are all learning and failing together. There is not one easy way to get through this.
IT IS HARD.
And it is hard for everyone.
That is why we have to help and encourage each other and offer the gift of Grace to all we meet. Especially to the person in the mirror.

I’m sure not everyone will like what I’ve said here. Maybe it’s too much or too little for you.
Perhaps too “Christian” for some, and not “biblical” enough for others.
I know it’s making some of you laugh and some of you cringe.
Please take it all with a grain of salt. BUT IF IT HELPS YOU, praise God.
I have endured through long and hard years to find and understand these nuggets. They still help me every day. It may not be much, but it’s what I have to offer.



God bless.

April 2nd, 2020. Getting fresh air at Basket Slough